"You are the sexiest woman in this room", he says.

"Why don't you buy the sexiest woman and her friends a round of drinks", she says.

Well, I'm back from the world of Los Angeles, feeling slightly deflated and bored with my familiar surroundings. It usually takes me a few days to re-adjust upon returning from a place such as the fantasy world that is LA. As I was grocery shopping yesterday, I was even 'acting' LA...whatever that means.... but for anyone who is familiar with the energy and 'tude that comes along with it, you know what I speak of.

I will have some pictures soon... just as soon as my girls [hussies] email them to me. I left my camera at home because it's a big, 35mm beast and I didn't want to have to lug it around with me and look like I was a stalkarazzi the whole time. Or a European tourist. Whichever.

For my fellow shoe whores, I did purchase these during my visit. On sale BIG TIME, otherwise I would not have been able to swallow the idea of spending over $200... I wore them on Saturday night with fishnets and I was about 6'3 in them. They're pretty shiny & sweet. I'm going to sleep with them on, I think.

The weather was lovely, of course, and there were some celebrity sightings. But none better than the people we have the priviledge of hanging out with Friday and Saturday night. Those being the cast and crew of MadTV. My friend of like FOREVER AGO, is part of the cast and the entire purpose of the visit was to be a part of the show's final taping for the season and attend the wrap party. Good times, good times. I rarely stay up past 10:30 at home so crawling into bed at 5:00 am and then giggling with my friend, who came out with me from home, for 30 minutes until we finally drifted off, was quite invigorating! Well, that is, until I had to wake up 2 hours later to catch my cab to the airport. My friend stayed behind for a few extra days, so I was the unfortunate soul who had MAYBE 47 minutes of actual sleep during that time and who had to stumble out of bed and make herself at least presentable for a cross country flight. I was so tired by mid-day that I wasn't even tired anymore.

Thank goodness for first class seats and complimentary alcohol. AND, thank goodness for having Time magazine in my carry on. As soon as I sat down, a nice looking young man, who I later found out was Australian [even better] sat next to me and the last thing I wanted to be doing was reading the smut mags that were lurking in my purse with Britney Spears' shaved head drama on the cover. So, I read about abortion and politics instead, in an effort to try to fit in with the caliber of people who surrounded me in the front cabin.

What was really cool and classy was when I finally drifted off to sleep for a bit and was woken up by my heavy head flopping forward. Upon wiping off the little bit of drool that had snuck out, I rested my head back against the seat, though could not really bring myself to fully fall asleep, in fear of startling myself again. Another cool moment was when I couldn't pull out my table during my meal because of my weakness from being so exhausted [let the record show that the tables come out of the arms in the first class cabin, they don't just flop down from the back of the seat in front of you like in the "common folk" cabin]. I had no place to put my chewed gum, so I stuck it on the side of my water glass like a 6 year old would do. Yeah, that's right. I wasn't done chewing it and wanted it for when I was done eating because it was my last piece. I dropped crumbs on my lap while eating.. a couple of times. And I dropped my fork approximatly three times. The final time being on the floor where I couldn't lean forward to get it because of my table. And it's probably a good thing, because without even thinking about it, I might have picked it up off the dirty floor and used it without flinching because that's just how I roll.

I don't know that I'm really first class material.

On a completely different note, I would like to make a correction concerning my previous post about the bag o' vomit. When my mother's husband was en route to return to the side of the road to pick up the mystery bag, my mother did not, in fact, say "what if it's a bag with a body part in it." What she actually said was, "what if it's a bag of dead kittens".

She's a sick woman, my mom. That is quite possibly even more wrong than the act of actually opening up a bag that one has found on the side of a quiet road in the first place.

Anywhoo, Asherbelle regrets this error and apologizes for the misquote.

Carry on.