Sorry, can't eat chicken. Please pass the mutton.

Has it really been a week already? Since I was watching the future youth of America on the Maury show?


I'm checking out the possibility of eating for my blood type. My friend, who is currently visiting me from out of town, turned me on to this website that tells you exactly what you should, and more importantly, should NOT be eating based on your blood type. Apparantly, I've got everything all wrong. Seriously, with the exception of goat's cheese and pineapples, EVERYTHING else in my normal, routine consumption is listed on the "ABSOLUTELY NOT ALLOWED" column. Nice.

Also, according to this chart, peeps with my blood type (B+) are most prone to things like chronic fatigue syndrome when not properly eating. totally. explains. everything. I have been addicted to avacados lately. I bought five of them a couple of Fridays ago... nice and firm they were. And the next day, they were PERFECT for eating. Just a little soft... but a lovely green.... not smooshy like for guacamole... but ideal for cutting into little cubes and smothering in white wine vinegar, a little salt, a little pepper, and covered in creamy, wonderful, heaven-like goat's cheese. I ate two of them.

The next day I ate the other three. In one sitting. Same way as mentioned above. I was draggin' ass the whole rest of the weekend. Avacados are in my ABSOLUTELY NOT section. So not awesome, this news. And I can't have coconuts. Or buckwheat. And for Mother's Day, the hubband and the children made me, as per my request, buckwheat pancakes. [assisted with the draggin' of the ass that weekend, I'm sure] I am also not supposed to eat eat pork. or chicken. hello? Lamb, mutton, venison, rabbit~ those are my choices. I like none of these.

I might just die.



yeah.



so.not.awesome.



Wheat and rye bread are bad for me, too. As are freakin' pinto beans. Um... I'm part Mexican. It's in my blood to eat pinto beans. I gotta be represent'n, yo, and eat the pintos. No almond extract... seeing that I don't just sit around drinking almond extract, I'm doubting it will be horrible that I do add a little to some choice recipes. No cream of wheat, corn, tofu, COUSCOUS... OH MY FREAKIN' GAWD... no couscous. OH MY FREAKIN' GAWD.. no pomegranates.



Dying. inside. right now.



.





.







dying.



Good news: no rhubarb (this is so okay because I think rhubarb is quite possibly the anti-christ), fenugreek (um, okay), artichokes (m'eh), turtle (yay!), beef = it's what for dinner, mozzarella, yogurt = good, lots o' dairy (except for ice cream.. which is horrible.. and I don't really want to talk about that right now~ I'm just not really ready).


Now that my tears have subsided after having read all the bad news.......

Wine appears to fine. I mean, it's not on the list. Anywhere. This is good. I can have my wine. And my delicious murdered cow. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel afterall. And it's raining goat's cheese there at the end of said tunnel.

by request... the website is: http://www.drlam.com/blood_type_diet

Obviously some of you want to be tortured.... i'm tellin' ya, had I never looked at this site, I wouldn't know that I was killing myself and my metabolism and ignorance can truly be bliss sometimes (bliss by way of ice cream, avacados and pinto beans) But whatever.... have at it. Misery loves company after all!

I Wish you Could See the Look on my Face Right Now

I'm embarassed to even be posting about this for a couple of different reasons... first and foremost being that I'm horrified at the fact that I'm even paying the slightest bit of attention to this show that is quietly playing in the background and second, this show just solidifies the fact that we have a major eating problem in this country. As if I had any doubt.

But why does a mother need to go on the Maury Povich show seeking help for getting their overweight child on a diet?? It just adds to the grossness.

Yet, here I sit.
Watching them all.
Adding to the grossness.

One mom said that when her now 85-lb four year old was 2 months old, he was eating solid baby cereal because formula just wasn't cutting it and he was crying out of hunger and wouldn't stop.

Hello.

Hello?

At four months, when baby cereal now wasn't enough, I'm assuming she switched to pizza.

If a 2-month old is crying from [what they believe to be] hunger pains, you don't cram solid food down their throats. You find other means to calm them. Drive around the block with them. Put their bouncy seat on the washing machine to let the vibrations calm them. Let them cry a little bit in safe surroundings. My daughter cried the entire first year of her life and I didn't cram food down her throat to quiet her. I left her with g'ma and went to the Bahamas. Hehe. True story.

Anyways.....

The parents 'conditioning' their kids to eat crap they shouldn't be eating from the beginning.... this is exactly what paves the way to obesity in children which starts them down the path to being obese as an adult thus having to deal with a life full of ridicule and torment and health issues without even standing a chance from the get go. Thanks mom and dad!!

The kids have no say or control in it... they're completely helpless. The parents are the ones in control... and they don't know what to do with their control. These parents are admitting that they are over feeding their children. They're "feeding the beast", so to speak and are really at a loss as to what to do about it. Step one, naturally... go on Maury.

Some of these parents seem to genuinely want help. Others have no idea the harm they are causing and are in complete denial. If bitch slapping the TV would help... I'd bitch slap it until my hand turned into a bloody pulp. But, since that would be just as stupid as going on national TV to talk about how my 80-pound toddler eats fast food each morning, afternoon, and night and how baffling it is that people stare at him... I'm just sitting here being utterly repulsed, yet oddly sucked in with each passing moment of the show.

A 102-pound four year old is on now. Gah. I can't watch anymore. I have my limits and my "people are so stupid" meter is at full capacity right now.

A Bright [and energy efficient] Idea!

Now that so many of us are finally recgonizng the destruction that is currently going down in regards to the earth and her future, I thought it would make sense to bring a little piece of information to your attention just as it was brought to mine last night.

I called my Aunt Dukey Donna [yeah, Dukey isn't really like on her birth certificate or anything, it's just her nickname, in case you were wondering what the hell that is all about]... anyhoo, I called my Aunt Dukey Donna last night to wish her a happy mother's day and after some pleasant bit o' reminiscing of her mother, who is my Meema, who passed away one year ago this coming June 9th, naturally the next step in conversation is to discuss incandescent light bulbs vs [CFL] Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs. Afterall, yesterday was Mother's Day and what greater mother is there outside of our own mother earth. This is not a question... but rather a blatant actuality.

We've all seen them... and many of us buy them as using them makes us feel a wee bit better about doing our part in helping save the planet that has been, afterall, so good to us all these years. So learning what I learned last night was interesting to me because I really had no idea about the details of using this funky, swirly lightbulb that reminds me of a delicious vanilla Dairy Queen ice cream cone.

I'm too lazy to actually type out the following, so rather than do that, I am just C&P'ing it from the Internet.

The first blurb will educate those of us who are NOT yet using these bulbs, perhaps due to not even knowing much about them or just not caring enough. The last sentence is my favorite part.

Why should people use CFLs? Switching from traditional light bulbs to CFLs is an effective, accessible change every person can make right now to reduce energy use at home and prevent greenhouse gas emissions that contribute to global climate change. Lighting accounts for close to 20 percent of the average home’s electric bill. Changing to CFLs costs little upfront and provides a quick return on investment. If every home replaced just one incandescent light bulb with an ENERGY STAR qualified CFL, it would save enough energy to light more than 3 million homes and prevent greenhouse gas emissions equivalent to those of more than 800,000 cars annually.

Okay. That's the gist of WHAT it will do to help save energy. Now, this next part is what I didn't know because nobody is really making it very noticably clear.

CFLs should not be disposed of in an incinerator. In other words, do not throw these in the regular ol' trash can once the bulb burns out. And if it should break, do not suck up the pieces with a vacuum cleaner. As you may or may not know, CFL's contain a very small amount of Mercury within them; an average of 5 milligrams, which is roughly equivalent to an amount that would cover the tip of a ball-point pen.

Not really a huge deal, right? Picture this.... if everybody tosses the bulbs in the garbage, which then gets put out on the curb with all the other neighborhood garbage cans, and that garbage gets dumped into a big truck, which collects garbage every day of the week, and then magnify that by every residential and commercial dumpster in every city in all the lands, and then ALL that garbage gets taken to a big ol' stinkilicious landfill after being crushed as flat as a skinny white girl's ass, that toxic mercury gets released into our air, thus polluting it, which kinda sorta defeats everything we are trying NOT to do because we want our children's children to have a pretty place to live when we're long gone and not have to be cleaning up the horrible mess that past generations have left behind.

I, for one, am not a fool by any means, however, sometimes I forget to read or miss the 'fine print' so if we are simply made better aware of things, I'm certain those of us who care enough will abide by the rules, whether it's convenient or not. Afterall, we're using energy efficient bulbs to begin with which demonstrates a concern in and of itself and I'm certain that those same people will properly dispose of these bulbs when the time comes. But, some of us need to be aware of the rules and sometimes our hands need to be held a little bit. That's all. I throw my regular bulbs away all the time in the garbage and now that I'm starting to switch over to the CFL's, I honestly quite possibly would have been tossing them in the garbage can simply from not knowing any better. Indeed, a case where ignorance is not bliss.

So.... after talking to my Aunt Dukey Donna, I promised her that I would start spreading the word here in the Southeastern part of our country, she would handle the Toronto area. Just mention it to people... some may already know.... others may not have a clue.... it will only do good to bring it up and besides.... it'll make you seem hella-aware and hella-cool. Almost as hella-cool as using the prefix "hella" when in conversation.

For additional information and understanding exactly what to do, please read this [PDF]:

http://www.energystar.gov/ia/partners/promotions/change_light/downloads/Fact_Sheet_Mercury.pdf

Love your Mother. Peace Out Blog Readers.

Randomness on Hump Day

Here are some random observations and thoughts from my day today:

I like to buy baby carrots. But the small bag isn't one of those resealable bags. Only the ginormo bag o' carrots is resealable. And even though it takes us a while to go through the 8374920387942 of baby carrots that are in the big bag, I can't stand the fact that the other, more reasonably sized bag, doesn't close without my having to loop a rubber band or twisty tie around it 19 times. Yes I could open the small bag, empty the carrots into a quart sized ziplock bag, I suppose. But I don't want to . So there.


And wafer cookies. Same thing. We LOVE the sugar free ones. Yeah. Odd, I know. The fact that I like ANYTHING sugar free, but these are awesome to my picky tastebud palet. They come in a plastic-y wrap of sorts that tears when you open it... and there is absolutely no room at the top to fold over and secure with anything thus causing me to eat AT LEAST the first row of wafers in order to make some room to seal them back up. And quite often, I tear the top pretty good so in actuality, TWO rows must be eaten. And much like the carrots, I COULD put the wafers into a ziplock plastic bag, but I'd rather complain. And eat rows of wafers. But SUGAR FREE wafers.


That is all.

Oh... and....

Dear Nabisco,

Please continue to package your Oreo cookies in a NON-sealable package. This prevents me from buying Oreos because if they were resealable, they would be in my food pantry. That is a very bad thing. For me. And my thighs. And my ass. But not my ankles because I NEVER get fat in my ankles. Since your Oreo cookie packaging is NOT resealable, should I bring a package home with me, I would be forced to tear open the ends and pretty much eat all the cookies in one (maybe, possibly stretching it out to two but not likely) sittings to prevent any of the precious, precious Oreos from going stale.

I appreciate your time and you can continue to change the Oreo all you want (nothing beats the original, fyi) but NEVER EVER EVER put the cookies into a convienient, resealable bag.

Thank you,

Asherbelle